


i'm no good without you

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, F/M, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 16:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8379352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: BPD!Josh deals with Tyler dating Jenna.





	

i.

Josh loves Tyler. He idolizes him, almost. He feeds off his attention and him calling him pretty makes his heart swell. He could say he was in love with the singer, with his smile, his hair. The diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and the research only gives them a new name to his relationship with Tyler: Tyler's his favorite person.

In retrospective, Josh could say their relationship was perfect. They love each other, they tell each other everything, they're madly in love. They never date, they never kiss, but the promise of love is on their lips.

Or so he wants to believe.

ii.

Josh knows he shouldn't feel jealous. He's not dating Tyler; he was never dating him. He loves him as a friend, or so he wants to believe. So, when he sees the other boy hold hands with this blonde girl who's name he's too worried to ask, he feels like he doesn't have to feel jealous. But he does.

He tries to ignore the feeling of jealousy gripping at his throat, almost asphyxiating him. He tries to get the thoughts away, the 'Tyler shouldn't's and 'it's on purpose's. He knows Tyler wouldn't try to harm him.

It's like that until he starts talking about the girl. She's younger, prettier, softer. He could go on about her, her name's Jenna. She has the prettiest eyes, he says. I want to give her the world, he says.

Josh tries not to pay attention to the bile rising up his throat every time he talks about her with the same annoyingly adoring tone. He knows, he knows he's being replaced. Deep down, he knows.

iii.

Tyler comes back to the tour bus with a paper saying he has Borderline Personality Disorder. Josh doesn't bat an eye; it doesn't really matter. After some time, Tyler starts dating Jenna. He looks happier than ever at her side, and he doesn't doubt on telling everyone he loves her.

It's when Tyler tells Josh that Jenna is his favorite person, the one he idolizes, when hell breaks loose. Josh's fingernails dig into his palm, and he's hunched over. Tyler gets closer to him, asking what's wrong.

"You replaced me, you replaced me, you replaced me," he repeats, almost like a mantra, his head hurting and he feels like he's on fire. He replaced him, he replaced Josh and he can't do anything about it. She's— Jenna's softer, prettier, younger.

"I still love you," Tyler promises, barely audible. "I'm sorry, God, I'm so sorry."

"You're not," Josh snarls, his mood suddenly going from miserable to pure, explosive anger. "You're not, Tyler!"

"I am!" Tyler tries.

"You're not, accept it. You'll love her more, you'll like her more. You'll be fine with just her, won't you?" he hisses through gritted teeth and shoves him away from the door. Tyler tries to touch his shoulder and he looks at him. "Don't touch me, Tyler," he says, his voice mildly threatening.

Tyler gets his hand off Josh's shoulder almost by reflex. He knows he has to leave the drummer alone. He's experienced this himself: splitting is never a fun experience for neither of the parties.

Josh goes outside from the tour bus, breathing in the fresh air. He walks away from Tyler, knowing he won't call him or anything. He needs time.

He feels angry. Angry he's replaced him, angry at himself for hating Tyler. He doesn't think he will look at Tyler in the eye when this is all done and over with.

He loves you.

No, he loves Jenna. He loves her, not me.

He loves you, the voice repeats, firmer.

Not the way he loves Jenna.

He loves you nonetheless.

It's like a fight, almost, how he wants to trust this voice, the thought he still likes him and that he's not been completely replaced. He tries to believe it.

iv.

Two days later, he starts learning to accept it. His feelings of jealousy try to become feelings of happiness for his friend. The bile doesn't come up in his throat anymore.

Tyler loves Jenna like a lover. Tyler loves Josh like a friend.

Josh loves Tyler like a lover.

He doesn't mind. He doesn't mind, he tells himself. He doesn't know if it'll ever be completely true.


End file.
